Not Fat with a "PH"

2004-06-27T03:32:00.000-05:00

Letter/blurb in the Hampton Roads Daily Press - Newport,VA,USA

Issues of obesity

All of my life I have been obese. Not merely overweight, but obese. I weighed more than 100 pounds by age 6, I weighed more than 200 by my early 30s, and I weigh 230 today at age 50. At one point in my life, I managed to weigh 113, only to quickly put on 50 pounds in a year.

I have listened to the obesity issue, and while I am happy that so much attention is being paid to it, I have become disgusted with the "just push away from the table and exercise" attitude. It isn't that simple. I have tried many diets. All of them have been sensible, all have included all of the food groups, and all have been ultimately unsuccessful. I have exercised, I have counted points, I have moved to beats, and I have avoided junk foods.

There are many dieters out there who have bodies that do not respond to dieting. I have seen physicians, and the upshot is that my metabolism shuts down when I try to lose weight.

I wish physicians would try to understand the mechanisms of fat-retentive bodies better. This "push away from the table" mentality takes the issue away from medicine and puts it into a type of "low character problem," just like the stigma attached to mental illnesses like depression.

Don't assume that obesity is due to an emotional problem only. Don't ridicule the obese person. Instead, support obesity research. Tell me, and others like me, why we can't lose when we want to so badly. Find a way to get us past plateaus in weight loss as we try to diet. Find a way to make us lose the weight that won't come off.

Patricia Thurman

Well put, Ms. Thurman.

2004-06-18T01:17:00.000-05:00

No News, Just Reviews

In the past year, I have overcome a major eating disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, launched a new, successful business venture, bought a house and all while being obese. To boot, I came out to the world as a psychic.

I am proud of myself for all that I have survived, proud that I did this all without bowing to the pressures that weigh so heavily upon me. I wore those pressures like an itchy cloak that has recently been shed.

I am not in your eyes beautiful. In my eyes, I am amazing. For the first time in my life, I am happy with who I am and who I have made myself become.

Six years ago, I was a severely anorexic, lonely, isolated person with no interests or hobbies, money or direction. I have since married, forced myself to make friends, developed dozens of hobbies that I actively pursue and now have a career that I absolutely love. Hell, I have even made a name for myself as a needlework artist.

My success has been due to my hard work, determination and, very much, to my wonderful and supportive husband. There were a number of treatment resources whose full effect has yet to be completely understood.

The most pivotal point in my development, however, was the beginning of this blog.

2004-03-04T09:31:00.000-06:00

Fat Acceptance

An article in the Orlando Sentinel online (above linked) posted March 2, 2004, states:

The newspaper ad inviting fat people to learn about El Camino Hospital's new weight-loss surgery program held out the opportunity to be not just a thinner person, but a better one. "It's not what you have to lose," the Mountain View, Calif., hospital ad said. "It's what you have to gain. Pride. Dignity. And Better Health."

I did not realize the degree to which the "Fat Acceptance" movement has grown. More surprising still is the strength of the resistance to bariatric surgery.

Against this trend stands a handful of organizations such as the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, the Council on Size and Weight Discrimination, and the International Society for Size Acceptance.

2004-03-03T11:30:00.000-06:00

The Onion: New Nietzschean Diet Lets You Eat Whatever You Fear Most

Fat Is Dead, proclaims the ambitious title of the dense, aphoristic nutrition plan, which was written by Friedrich Nietzsche in the late 1880s and unearthed three years ago. After reaching bestseller lists in Europe, the book was translated into English by R.J. Hollingdale and published by Avon last month.

2004-02-06T09:02:00.000-06:00

Bear With Me...

I have been extremely busy lately with too many side projects, etc. but I have not forgotten about this blog! Updates soon!

2004-01-23T01:42:00.000-06:00

The World Is Out To Get Us

The World Health Organization actually has an International Obesity Task Force. Apparently, the U.S. supports an executive resolution that asks the 192-nation World Health Assembly for approval of the WHO's Global Strategy on Diet, Physical Activity and Health.

According to Jonathan Fowler, Associated Press, "Some 300 million people worldwide are obese and 750 million more are overweight, including 22 million children under age 5, according to the International Obesity Task Force. Once largely a problem of industrialized nations, obesity now is hitting developing countries too."

2004-01-23T01:29:00.000-06:00

Guest On A Talk Show

A couple of evenings ago, I happened to be flipping channels and lit on a well-known talk show, Conan O'Brien. The guest that was featured was morbidly obese. He kept making fun of himself. He said things such as, "I make my clothes look fat." Guffaws.

I truly do like to see people being comfortable with themselves. In this case, however, I thought that he was telling fat jokes just for laughs (or, maybe he was beating people to the punch). I don't know.

When we laugh at our bodies, we tell others that it is ok to do so.

2004-01-22T22:08:00.000-06:00

The Onion's Commentary

This is great. I can always count on The Onion for some insightful commentary on the diet industry:

"14-Word Diet Stretched To 200 Pages

BOSTON—The Florida Keys diet, which can be adequately described in 14 words, has been padded into a 204-page book: Losing Weight The Florida Keys Way, available in bookstores Tuesday. "The diet is pretty much, 'Avoid saturated fats and simple carbohydrates, eat mostly fresh vegetables and seafood, and exercise," said author Dr. Harris Jegen. "Unfortunately, no one is going to shell out $24.95 for one sentence, so I've got some recipes and charts in there, a bunch of testimonials, and a 50-page Diet Diary." Jegen's previous books include The Florida Keys Diet and The Florida Keys Diet Made Easy."

2004-01-19T13:49:00.000-06:00

Still Hard to Believe...

My husband and I were watching television the other night and were very surprised by a commercial for an upcoming reality programme: My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance. I actually thought that it was a pseudo-ad on a comedy show at first.

I have always been critical of most television programming but this is beyond anything I dared fear could happen. What is going on with television?

This reminds me of a conversation that I had with my husband the other day. I pointed out that every major empire that I could think of has disappeared--not by some sudden fall--by a steady decline.

2004-01-17T23:31:00.000-06:00

Are You there God? It's Me, Margaret.

I read this book long before most girls would have, so I struggled with the idea of menstruation intellectually for quite some time. It may have frightened me but I read it several times. It was the book to read and Judy Blume was one of the most prominent children's writers at the time.

Recently, I found an old paperback of exactly the same vintage that my original copy would have been when I was a child. That was a great experience!

Given my issues with body image, I intend to re-read this book very shortly.

2004-01-15T17:42:00.000-06:00

Lecture

I have been informed of a great opportunity. There is the possibility that I may be able to speak to groups of junior high school-aged children and/or their parents about eating disorders.

This is a giant step for me. That I might be able to help children see what kinds of pressures and pitfalls surround them: diet industry, covert pro-ana lists, parental and peer expectations, makes me very happy.

The group that I would most like to reach, however, is the parents: they are often the source of incredible pressure. One example comes immediately to mind. I was grocery shopping in the cereal aisle when I happened to overhear a conversation between a mother and her young teenaged daughter. The mother was reading the labels of the cereal boxes when the daughter picked up a box of a well-known, chocolate-bar-inspired cereal to show her with a pleading look on her face. The mother, raised voice, scolded: "No! There's no way you're having chocolate for breakfast. Look at the size of you!!"

Stupid, stupid woman! I thought. The daughter was slightly overweight (but also very tall). There was no need for this woman to (1) humiliate her daughter publicly and (2) to make the girl feel bad about her appearance. That was, undoubtedly, emotional and verbal abuse. I could not help but wonder what the future held for this young woman: the conversation suggested that the pressure to be thin exists strongly at home.

When I was about the same age, my own mother would constantly say things like, "Oh, you're putting on weight now. The more you put on, the harder it will be to take off." I was 12 and I had just hit puberty. Of course I was gaining weight! It is called the "transition to womanhood", when the body begins to take a womanly shape, and it is normal.

The pressure starts, however, much sooner than puberty. People expect their babies to be thin! A nurse told me that she had taken her 15-month-old son to the playground. While there, another mother indicated that this nurse's child had lots of "babyfat" but, not to worry, "he'll lose it as he grows." The nurse looked at the woman and said, "Really? I hope he doesn't lose it."

Then, this past summer, I was invited to a party given by acquaintances with a year-old child. When one acquaintance asked the mother, "Does she drink 2% milk yet?" The other acquaintance replied, "No...I want her to have skim milk. Frankly, she doesn't need the fat." I could not believe it! Yes, this child had weight and she looked perfectly healthy! Babies need lipids! Besides, contrary to popular belief, there is no relationship between the intake of dietary fat and the acquisition of body fat.

My own sister has decided to help her daughter stay thin so that she will not face the discrimination and disadvantages confronted by the obese.

Without going into great detail at this point in time, there are several predisposing and precipitating factors where the development of eating disorders is concerned. Not the least among them? A parent's preoccupation with body image/weight aversion.

2004-01-07T02:02:00.000-06:00

Deuced

I recently watched the movie, "Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo".

Unfortunately, the depiction of obese women was simply disgusting. I suspect that it reflects what many people think of the eating habits of the obese. The movie went to great extremes to show a manly, morbidly-obese and amorous woman eating disgusting items stowed away in various parts of her clothing.

The movie was, in fact, extremely funny and it could have survived without this grotesque caricature of the obese female.

2003-12-20T02:52:00.000-06:00

Googled

Well, I wish that my lack of activity in this blog indicated that discrimination against obesity was no longer an issue for me or for anyone else. I was pleasantly surprised to find this blog on Google.

Two days ago, I found myself revealing my history with Anorexia to a friend of mine (just a brief outline). The words left my mouth effortlessly and this very fact astonishes me. I am personally indebted to blogger.com. Its existence has helped me find a stronger personal voice. (In a strange turn of events, I developed laryngitis the following day. Go figure!)

2003-11-29T21:34:00.000-06:00

No Respect

I came across a truly disturbing site. I gave considerable thought to the idea of linking to this page. After struggling with my own desire to not give undue attention to this kind of hateful material, I realize that it is a perfect example of bigotry but I will not link to it.

Please note: one does not have to be obese to find that this man's site is extremely offensive; however, I do think it is important to show the non-obese / non-overweight among us just what kind of bigotry exists.

This man, evidently a soldier, would like to know what he is fighting for. He posts a picture of an obese woman taken from the back and uses this as a basis for his hateful rant. (I do hope that the photographer had her permission to take this photo). Not only does he rave on about obesity: he discusses what he considers to be the general state of degradation in society. Frankly, there are some good psychiatric medications that could help this person.

Diversity has been such an important theme for "Generation X" and "Generation Y". Was this person lining up for boot camp on the days that such sensitivity was taught in school?

As I mentioned, he wants to know what he is fighting for and I want to know why he has so much time to worry about what other people look like. In my opinion, a person whose anger is fueled by appearance is not the kind of person that should possess a gun. I also wonder why he has the idea that someone else's body is any of his business?

Thankfully, he is not fighting for me. (Or standing across from me). Scary.

2003-11-20T19:52:00.000-06:00

Respect

It occurs to me that some may wonder why I chose a blog to write about obesity and discrimination. Life can be difficult for everyone: working, balancing work and home, raising children, trying to keep pace with schedules. It is my belief that it just does not have to be -- nay, should not be -- difficult in some areas. The very last concern that anyone should have to bear is whether or not he/she will receive due respect because of his/her appearance.

Some people have stated that I am defending obesity. By bringing to light instances of discrimination, by exposing bigoted attitudes toward obesity, I am defending a person's right to not be discriminated against. That's it. That's all.

As a recovered Anorexic, I know the consequences of obesity on the body. I am well-aware that some would like to impose a "fat tax" to compensate for the amount spent in health care due to obesity and complications thereof. I am, obviously, aware of the effects of one person's obesity on another person.

I want somebody to give a voice to those who swallow their feelings about their body, to people who find it impossible to reply to someone's insensitive remarks. I know that the reader will believe me when I say that I am not one of these people. I want to encourage the benefits of a positive self-image.

2003-11-14T17:51:00.000-06:00

The Problem of "Fat Acceptance"

I am not surprised by my recent discovery of websites used to discuss the problem of "fat acceptance" in our culture. In an article by Dawn Debeli entitled, "Obese America: Buldging [sic] Through History", she states:

"...the use of the obese nude in contemporary art is becoming more commonplace. Unlike the nudes of Rubens and Renoir, the obese contemporary nudes are not presented as large, healthy beauties, but are used symbolically. For example, an obese figure in a Slowinski or Turner painting, is not a lone figure, but a symbol for cultural obesity and bloated social conditions. As symbolic representations of these conditions, these figures have a kinship to prehistoric and ancient classical models in that they are not used to portray individuals, but are a symbolic of the society in general. Today dieting and obesity are reflected in the art, just as fertility and religious mythology were in the past."

On the consequences of "fat acceptance", Ms. Debeli writes:

"Keeping the obese public focused on the unattainable goal of the super model supports a billion-dollar industry in diet drugs, diet herbs, diet plans, diet books and diet doctors. The resulting frustration and despair also keeps the public eating more to attain some level of self pleasure and satisfaction. This conflict between the real obese body image and the ideal super model body image, has resulted in a body phobia that pervades the culture. The condition and preservation of the body has become a mass cultural obsession. Inherently hopeless, this obsession results in mass depression and the proliferation of Prozac-like drugs, for the decaying power of time on our fragile mortal forms can not [sic] be arrested."

I do not wish to be misconstrued. Ms. Debeli's commentary is quite thought-provoking and rings true in many respects. I do, however, take issue with her attitude towards obesity.

If my body is a mirror of an ungainly social state described as bloating, to what degree is Ms. Debeli's resistance to obesity hinting at a social state? Perhaps such resistance in general shields a blindspot: perhaps we are starved intellectually because everything we acquire -- including beliefs -- is handed to us without benefit of explanation. Perhaps the starved body of a thin woman like my former anorexic self does, in fact, represent a social state: a body of beliefs without a solid foundation and a dogged determination to hold onto them. Perhaps.

In my case, it was not the"unattainable goal of the supermodel" that compelled me to take to the gym. (Just as it was not this goal that caused my eating disorder.) It was always, among other things, the desire to have more energy and to feel better. Naturally, the pressure to be thin has always been present in my thoughts and last year, unfortunately, I purchased the belief that my body should look a certain way. I was tired of the disparity that I noticed in the way that I was treated by people when thin and the way that I was treated when fat. Maybe I was tired but maybe I was just giving in to external pressures.

I shudder to think of the damage that my eating disorder has done to my body. I shudder more to think what "getting better" has done sometimes. Recently, I was diagnosed with "tennis elbow" (lateral epicondylitis) in both arms. It usually occurs in one's dominant arm but I am ambidextrous. At any rate, I mention this because it is most likely that this injury occurred last year while working out daily at the gym. I was trying diligently to lose the weight that I had gained while recovering from Anorexia Nervosa without actually descending to the disordered state again. I lost 25 pounds and apparently gained tendon damage in both arms.

Ms. Debeli writes: "There are moments in history, such as we see in the works of Rubens, or Renoir, when a bloated figure was seen as desirable. Yet unlike today such mass was not seen as a sign of ill health. To the contrary, in these times before the discovery of saturated fats, trans-fatty acids and heart disease, such plumpness was seen as a sign of wealth and good health. "

Yes, a wealth of literature about the health consequences of obesity exists; such information does not, however, justify bigotry or discrimination. I have to wonder about the constant bombardment of obesity-related issues to which the media consumer is subjected.

Since most people feel comfortable with their "fat=not good" attitude, would it not be more useful to the public to publish more literature about the consequences of weight obsession? For example, Anorexia Nervosa and the relatively high rate of mortality among psychiatric disorders; incidence of weight obsession among normal eaters; the long-term health consequences of starvation or purging. We could start there. We might even concentrate on the benefits of positive self image. Maybe if the public were to become as afraid of eating disorders as it is of obesity, the diet-industry would fail to thrive and "fat acceptance" would not be seen as a problem.

2003-11-13T17:27:00.000-06:00

Television

I cannot be the only person to have noticed this: it is still permissible to laugh at fat jokes. If not, prime-time or once-prime-time sitcoms, even early evening and late shows, would not use the "fat joke" as a laugh grab.

Almost two weeks ago, I watched Saturday Night Live and obesity was the theme du jour. It was, of course, inspired by the recent buzz about a certain actress having gained weight for the sequel to a movie.

The other night, I happened to catch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. There was a comic-book store scene in which the clerk describes a comic character: "she manages to find happiness despite being morbidly obese." The very last line of the episode was: "Look how fat she is!"

A sketch on MadTV about Anna Nicole Smith and her television show (reached for and grabbed) laughs simply by tacking on the word "fat" at the end of criticisms.

Those are simply a few examples that I have come across. It seems that it is still permissible to laugh at "fat jokes" because it is still permissible to tell them.

2003-11-06T22:18:00.000-06:00

Recent Study

What an interesting coincidence! I found an article concerning a study conducted in England on obesity. It demonstrates the "depths of stigmatisation endured by heavy people: It even rubs off on their friends. " (see my entry dated October 4, 2003). The article, found at News24.com is called "Image Problems" and is dated 15/10/2003. Fighting discrimination against obesity was a topic of a meeting of the North American Association for the Study of Obesity.

Apparently, "just standing next to a large person can be bad for one's image" as the following explains:

The study at University of Liverpool tested 144 female students' reactions to two prom photos. One showed a dapper, thin young man standing next to a svelte ringlet-haired woman. The other was the same photo altered to show the guy arm-in-arm with a very large, nicely dressed woman. The volunteers took a quick look at one or the other of the pictures and then were asked their opinion of the man. They rated him from one to five on 50 negative adjectives - called the "fat phobia scale" - that people often use to describe obese people. The man with the big woman was rated 22% more negatively than the same man with the thin companion. When seen with the large woman, he was more likely to be described as miserable, self-indulgent, passive, shapeless, depressed, weak, insignificant and insecure.

An Implicit Association Test, used to measure bias, indicated that: "students who were themselves overweight were more likely than usual to rate the man harshly when pictured with the obese partner."

The test was also administered, a couple of years ago, to about 200 obesity professionals. The test requires that people "quickly link up words like "lazy," "stupid" and "worthless" on command with obese or thin people". The results "showed that obesity professionals were more apt to link the negative words with overweight people, even when trying not to."

2003-11-06T18:12:00.000-06:00

Culturally-Defined Attitudes

In her book, A New Psychology of Women: Gender, Ethnicity and Culture (McGraw-Hill), Dr. Hilary Lips discusses examples of barriers faced by women of many backgrounds and how a psychology of women would address the differences and commonalities in experience. In her lecture,"Peering into the Kaleidoscope" Cross-cultural Perspecives in the Psycholog [sic] of Women & Gender, Dr. Lips cites an example of an obstacle that does not necessarily cross cultures: obesity. For example, she says:

"Hima women being fattened up for marriage:
Among the Hima people of western Uganda, fat is beautiful -- at least for women. Men measure a woman's attractiveness by her obesity, and a young woman is prepared for marriage in ways guaranteed to "fatten her up": the least possible activity and the most possible food. By the time of her marriage, the young woman may be so fat that she cannot walk, only waddle. At the wedding, onlookers then will comment on how beautiful she is, noting with approval the cracks in her skin caused by the fatness and the difficulty with which she walks. Once married, a wife is kept fat by consuming surplus milk from the herd -- often coerced to do so by her husband when she has long past the point of satiation. The wife leads a life of "leisure." She is assigned no heavy physical work, rarely leaves home, spends her days in sexual liaisons with a variety of men approved by her husband. These sexual relationships cement economic ones: the obese, conspicuously consuming wife is both a symbol and an instrument of her husband's economic prosperity (Tiffany, 1982)."

This is what I would like the reader to do, if only for a brief time: step outside culturally-defined attitudes (to the extent that anyone is capable of doing so) about obesity. One means of achieving this perspective is to examine attitudes found within other cultures. One objective, for me, is clear: assist in providing to the reader a cross-cultural perspective about obesity in order that he/she perceives his beliefs about obesity as potentially mutable.

2003-11-05T22:12:00.000-06:00

The "Links" listed on my sidebar are, I believe, helpful to the reader insofar as they provide the opportunity for research on the female human form across cultures and throughout history.

2003-10-21T20:09:00.000-05:00

Media Influence

So, today I am wondering: how much influence should the media (that is to say, newspapers, television, movies, internet, etc.) have in our lives? Historically, how much influence has it had?

What comes to mind, at the moment, is my collection of vintage sewing magazines. On each cover, a woman or two from the 40s with wasp-like waists, meticulously-applied cosmetics and the aura of glamour.

In the 1930s, the words and images of families struggling to make ends meet held little glamour. There are accounts of women having to compromise their values for the sake of taking care of the family: doing whatever had to be done and making do with what means they had.

In the 1940s, with many objects rationed, women felt compelled to "draw" lines down the backs of their legs to create the impression of nylons/pantyhose due to either a sense of propriety or status, I don't yet know which. Women were out working due to the availability of positions normally held by men now at war. Somewhere around this time, with burgeoning independence, it seems as if women had to reaffirm their attractiveness to men.

Even the housewife of the 1950s is depicted with cleaning supplies and polished nails or shopping cart and high heels. At some point, we began to purchase lies and patted ourselves on the back for doing so! Media glamourized womanhood and station. She is capable of working, but she is best at housework and looking her best for her man!

In the 1960s, Good Housekeeping published a special interest magazine on "slimming" or dieting. With women back at home more, perhaps the pounds started to creep up? Did women become, nationally, larger than in the 30s and 40s?

What I want to know: from where did these ideas originate?

My own struggles with body image/self-esteem are so intimately connected with the necessity to break free of what I am told to believe about myself, about others and I have to wonder why.

2003-10-04T10:24:00.000-05:00

So, That's Why I Can't Be Fat…

Recently, I was shaken from naivete. The safety blanket of ignorance was violently yanked away from me. Ok, I will dispense with the icky metaphor.

I have learned that my obesity affects other people. My obesity is, in fact, detrimental to some of those who know me. It confers an unwanted label of "I'm with fat person" on the other. Jeesh, I really should have considered others when I started packing on the pounds.

I will try not to use the excuse of medication (though that is, in fact, what jump-started my 60-pound climb to the top of Mount Blushmore. ) Ok, icky metaphor again. However it occurred, it has, in fact, become a reality.

Silly language aside, I know wherefrom my anger surges: the idea that my body could be anybody's business but my own. In fact, a former General Physician of mine once told me: "I wish people would just mind their own business." It was in this context that she spoke of such busy-bodiness. Though my respect for her had always existed, I beamed with delight when she said this as my admiration grew.

I have learned that, in addition to risky side effects, lack of energy and the impression that I am just lazy and unsuccessful, I should not be fat because it affects others. My husband has a fat wife. My in-laws have a fat daughter-in-law. My parents raised a fat daughter. My sister's sibling rivalry with me has ended: I am fat, too.

Nobody, I take it, wants to see my arms jiggling in a sleeveless top. Nobody wants a glimpse at my heavy calves or ample bosom. So, what of this?

Why don't we try the little rule of replacing one adjective for another: My husband has a Jewish wife. My in-laws have a black daughter-in-law. My parents raised a lesbian daughter. Are any of these announcements necessary? Do they strike the reader as unnecessarily focused upon something? Today, these words stand out as obviously as an emphasis on a wrong syllable.

Frankly, if you hold this attitude but possess the suave demeanor of a male supermodel or the sleek lines of a television actress; even if you assume the sophistication of an intellectual, you are still an Archie Bunker.

(The show "All in the Family" polarized two differing social attitudes about bigotry in the characters of Archie Bunker and Mike Stivic). Archie Bunker thinks that his beliefs and so-called "statements of fact" should not be offensive (and they, nevertheless, are) because they are just statements of "the way things are." He is immutable. Mike Stivic, on the other hand, believes that social justice is worth effort, even if it means examining one's own prejudices. His opinions can change if he has information to which he was previously ignorant.

As harsh as the foregoing seems, I realize that you are supported by diet-industry-motivated corporate media that justify the attitude with "statistics" and news coverage of health studies. Let us remember that television advertisement spaces provided to diet commercials yield large amounts of money to networks (and that the diet industry can afford to pay).

Of course, I realize that not everyone is a bigot. I understand that there are people out there who really care about the inside of a person. It is those who do in spite of my appearance that scare me.

Again, as harsh as the foregoing seems, I seek to educate not to alienate. I urge people to read about the differences between overweight and obese, to ascertain the various origins of obesity and look to the history of cultural attitudes about appearance. Most importantly, I urge the reader to examine whether or not there is someone in his or her life for whom affection thrives "despite" that person's appearance.

Fat, my friends, might be the final front in the war against bigotry. Are you an Archie Bunker or a Mike Stivic?

2003-03-26T10:12:00.000-06:00

Single Fat Girls Don't Get Laid

Not to take anything away from men, but single women who gain weight lose sex. It's that simple. People can pretend that their attitudes about obesity conform to the politically-correct standards expressed in such phrases as: "It's what's inside that counts" and "Beauty is skin deep" and, the seemingly-benign-but-most-offensive: "You have such a pretty face."

Now, anyone who reads this might blush and begin performing a checklist, scrutinizing every conversation that he/she has ever had with any fat person. Many might wonder: "What's so offensive about those phrases?" Well, let me tell you. To most people, my outside counts, nobody cares about my skin and, though my face is pretty, the rest of me is (according to the latter phrase) hideous. You are lying and you all know who you are.

Otherwise, I would not feel guilty about letting my gym-attendance lapse or try to pretend that any high-calorie or sugary food at the checkout counter was for someone else.

If I were worthy of such attention, I could expect to be whistled at sometimes while walking down the street. I could wear clothes that revealed my body without feeling self-conscious. Let's face it: we -- the Fat -- are un-sexualized and we know that you know that we know. In newspapers, magazines, on television and on posters, we are told something about ourselves: we are not feminine and we are not worthy of male attention.

At the same time, we seem to be worthy of unkind attention. One example springs immediately to mind. The "do-you-really-think-you-need-that" look as I bite into a doughnut is not as helpful as some might think. Even well intentioned but ever-so-ignorant friends will, incredibly, ask if I have stopped going to the gym.

Undoubtedly, my body concerns others more than it concerns me at this point in my life. Evidence: the international obsession with obesity and fighting fat. If this were untrue, I wouldn't have to sit through diet-industry commercials telling me to eat/avoid certain foods, try a certain exercise machine or swallow some magic pill that will make me smaller. Of course, these commercials are followed by news reports about the Problem of Obesity and health reports about why I am the way I am.

The international obsession, the insidious attitudes now compel me to hang on to my weight. I don't want to be perceived as "caving in" to such pressure and losing weight to validate my femininity or someone else's idea thereof.

I hereby invite all Fat people to reclaim the word and start living. I don't want to be ashamed of myself. I don't get whistled at anymore; if I were still single, I would be dateless. What does this matter?